Approvaholics Anonymous

Hi. My name is Bethany and I am an approvaholic. (This is the part where you say - "Hi Bethany")

For many of us, the need for approval is as strong and insatiable as an addiction.  While you may not call yourself an approval addict, perhaps you’re known as a people-pleaser, someone who will go to great lengths to keep everyone happy. But, if we belong to Christ, the Bible says that we cannot live to please both people and God: “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ" (Galatians 1 v10)

An approvaholic may seem like they’re working for God and others, but the heart-motivation is often about their emotional security, their reputation, and their standing in the eyes of others. It’s not about God’s glory and obeying His Word; it’s about their own glory and others’ opinions.

There are 4 main symptoms of being an approvaholic.

Symptom 1:

An Approvaholic confuses pleasing people with honoring God.

Think of the biblical character Martha, who resentfully took on all the work she considered so important. She was so focused on getting things done the “right way” and meeting a perceived expectation that she almost missed her one real priority of knowing Jesus more and learning from Him (Luke 10:38-42). While what she was busy doing was not wrong in itself, as Jesus told her it wasn’t the one thing that was needed.

Symptom 2:

An Approvaholic seeks to validate the leading of God with the opinions of others.

The Apostle Paul probably had good reason to feel the need for validation. Before his own conversion, he was one of the early Church’s greatest enemies. In one life-changing encounter with Christ, the very people he was working to destroy became his peers. But unlike an approval addict, he didn’t seek the confirmation of other believers to validate what God had made clear to him, He acted in obedience upon what God had said, without needing the approval or agreement of other people.

Symptom 3:
An Approvaholic views the opportunity to serve God as an opportunity to gain personal praise.

Judges 11 tells us the tragic story of Jephthah. Motivated by gaining the respect and approval of those that had mistreated him, he made a rash vow to the Lord that revealed his own heart: “If You will indeed deliver the people of Ammon into my hands, then it will be that whatever comes out of the doors of my house to meet me, when I return in peace from the people of Ammon, shall surely be the Lord’s, and I will offer it up as a burnt offering.” (Judges 11:30-31). For Jephthah, and for the approval addict, the motivation for success wasn’t for God’s glory, it was for his own (“If You will deliver…into my hands). This is the same attitude that Paul spoke of in his letter to the Philippians when he said that, “Some indeed preach Christ even from envy and strife…from selfish ambition, not sincerely”. For the Approvaholic who thirsts for people’s high opinions, even good and godly things can be distorted for self-centered motives.

Symptom 4:
An Approvaholic’s self-worth is based on their performance and motivated by pride.

At the heart of a huamn who is afraid of disappointing others is the belief that we can make everyone happy with us. Underneath the fear of saying no, letting someone down or falling short of a goal, is the lie that we can fulfill people’s expectations, do things the right way or achieve outer perfection. In fact, when we boil it down to the condition of the heart, feeding the approval addiction is just another modern-day idol.

You don’t have to be an Approvaholic. You don’t have to live in fear of being rejected, being punished, making a mistake or not living up to some perceived expectation.  Because with Jesus,  you are completely – and already – accepted.